2008-04-18T02:54:00.001+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: depressed
NOW BLASTING: Evanescence - Lithium

Lithium... don't want to lock me up inside
lithium... don't want to forget how it feels without
lithium... I want to stay in love with my sorrow
oh but God I want to let it go

come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show
never wanted it to be so cold
just didn't drink enough to say you love me

I can't hold on to me
wonder what's wrong with me

Don't want to let it lay me down this time
drown my will to fly
here in the darkness I know myself
can't break free until I let it go
let me go

Darling, I forgive you after all
anything is better than to be alone
and in the end I guess I had to fall
always find my place among the ashes...

2008-02-25T15:39:00.002+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: resigned
NOW BLASTING: Chris Cornell - Wide Awake

You can look a hurricane right in the eye
Twelve hundred people dead or left to die
Follow the leaders with an eye
For an eye you'd all be blind
Deaf or murdered, of this im sure
In this unsettled time

So come pull a sheet over my eyes
So I can sleep tonight
Despite what I've seen today
I find you guilty of a crime
Of sleeping at a time
When you should have been wide awake
Down on the road the world is floating by
The poor and undefended left behind
While your somewhere trading lives for oil
as if the whole world were blind

-----------------------------------------------------------

Sleepless nights arent pleasant
Despite wat everyone says...

2007-10-31T15:40:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: sad
NOW BLASTING: nothing

I'm a stupid dumbfuck... :(

2007-09-27T09:07:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: tired
NOW BLASTING: Firehouse - In Your Perfect World

Someone said this is how I'm being right now...

Seems I just can't do enough
I could never win your love
Why should I try
When you never share your feelings?
How could I be so naive?
Is it so hard to believe
That you excel in emotional concealing?

No matter what I do
I never measure up for you
But you just keep that smile on your face
No matter how much I try
You're never really satisfied
Until you run away and hide

In your perfect world
Where there's no one to blame
No one can hurt your feelings
And you don't feel no pain
Everybody loves you
And nobody gets burned
As long as you are living
In your perfect world

It seems like everyone gets screened
On your answering machine
Can't take the call
And let down your defenses
You can't let anybody see
Your real personality
Is it pride, or just your false pretenses?

Maybe a part of you has died
Because you keep it all inside
But still you wear that smile on your face
It seems no matter what I do
I just can't get through to you
But I always know where to find you

In your perfect world
Where nothing can go wrong
You're always in control
And we all get along
And everything is beautiful
No need for concern
As long as you are living
In your perfect world

2007-09-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: hurt
NOW BLASTING: Evanescence - My Immortal

Why do you always want to hurt me?

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

2007-08-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: sad
NOW BLASTING: Metallica - Escape

When I cry, he tells me to shut up...

2007-08-02T00:35:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: empty
NOW BLASTING: Daughtry - It's not over

I wouldve done anything for u
I couldve done anything for u

A part me of is dead and buried
Theres no way I can salvage it
It's not over but it sure feels like it

The past haunts me wherever I turn
Waterfall that stings and burn
Black hole inside of me persists
This feeling I cant resist

Everyones the same wherever they are
All for themselves, near or far
Nothing left for me to breathe
Nothing left for me to give

For you, I couldve done anything
For you, I wouldve done everything

2007-07-11T15:25:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: alone
NOW BLASTING: nothing

why do i always assume
that ppl like me
when they dont

why do i always assume
that ppl care for me
when they dont

why do i tell myself
that people are all different
when theyre not

why do i tell myself
that people can change
when they cant

why do ppl say things
that they dont mean
why do ppl do things
that theyll regret
why cant ppl see
beyond themselves

why? why???

2007-07-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: depressed
NOW BLASTING: silence of the night

baby ur all that i want..
when ur lying here in my arms...

once in your life you find someone
who will turn your world around
bring you up when you're feelin down
nothin could change what you mean to me
theres lots that I could say
but just hold me now...
coz our love will light the way...

2007-06-24T01:36:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: lost
NOW BLASTING: Skid Row - In a Darkened Room...

In a darkened room
Beyond the reach of God's faith
Lies the wounded
the shattered remains of love betrayed
And the innocence of a child is bought and sold
In the name of the damned
The rage of the angels left silent and cold
Forgive me please for I know not what I do
How can I keep inside the hurt I know is true

All the precious times have been put to rest again
And the smile of the dawn
Brings tainted lust singing my requiem
Can I face the day when I'm tortured in my trust
And watch it crystalize
While my salvation crumples to dust
Why can't I steer the ship before it hits the storm
I've fallen to the sea but still I swim for shore

All the precious times have been put to rest again
And the smile of the dawn
Brings tainted lust singing my requiem
Can I face the day when I'm tortured in my trust
And watch it crystalize
While my salvation crumples to dust
Why can't I steer the ship beforeit hits the storm
I've fallen to the sea but still I swim for shore

Tell me when the kiss of love becomes a lie
That bears the scar of sin too deep
To hide behind this fear of running unto you
Please let there be light
In a darkened room

If everyone cared

2007-03-06T21:49:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: numb
NOW BLASTING: Nickelback - If everyone cared

if everyone cared, nobody cried
if everyone loved, nobody lied
if everyone shared and swallowed their pride
we'd see the day when nobody died

2006-12-29T02:07:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: empty

2006-11-18T04:08:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: weird

More quizzes... coz i want to...

You scored as Mysterious. You wish to hide who you are from all those around you. You find it very hard to trust people. You also may enjoy the fun that comes from playing mind games with others around you.My advice Get out there and reveal the true you if only to one person!

Mysterious

58%

Eyes full of Pain

33%

Passion

33%

Diamond Eyes

17%

What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix.

Neo, the "One"

50%

Batman, the Dark Knight

46%

Lara Croft

42%

James Bond, Agent 007

29%

William Wallace

29%

Indiana Jones

29%

Captain Jack Sparrow

25%

The Terminator

25%

Maximus

25%

The Amazing Spider-Man

21%

El Zorro

17%

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0
created with QuizFarm.com

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.

While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You scored as Soft. You are nice and soft, you love everyone and everyone loves you, while you are fiery or too exciting, you are always pleasant.

Soft

81%

Violent

56%

Hot

50%

Exciting

44%

Sweet

38%

Wet

25%

Shy

19%

Awkward

13%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Shy. Your shy. Lots of people are. Please rate my quiz!!

Shy

44%

Nice

38%

Immature

31%

Outgoing

25%

Fun

13%

mean

Dramatic

what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Angel.
Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.

Angel

42%

Mermaid

25%

Dragon

17%

Faerie

17%

WereWolf

Demon

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Rocker, Mosher.
Your A Rocker!

Rocker, Mosher

70%

Goth

30%

Emo

30%

Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev

20%

Prepy

10%

Skater

Trendy

What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy Ect
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Blind Folds.
Your turn on is the blindfold. When you can't see, that makes your other senses more aware... including your sense of touch. So who wouldn't enjoy being blindfolded???? Sex isn't sex without enhancing your sense of touch.

Blind Folds

92%

Biting

58%

Chains/Handcuffs

58%

Bondage

42%

Whips

33%

Blood

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-10-09T03:52:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: hurt
NOW BLASTING: Stone Sour

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest

I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open season
For this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten with its memories
Diaries left with cryptic entries

You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won't let go till it bleeds

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every little thing kills me
Every little thing fills me
With questions
And more questions
And wonders
Is it true? Is it true?

And when I find the answers
All I ask is
Why? Why didn't I?
Why did you? Why didn't you??

More wonders
More pain
More questions
In vain

I wish I didn't give a shit
but I do
I wish it didn't hurt so much
but it does
I wish it'd get out of my head
but it wont
I wish all this didn't happen
but it has

So here I am like a fool
Here I stay like a fool
I take it
I take it all
Like a fool
Like a fool
Like a fool
Like a fool
Like a fool
Like a fool

2006-08-27T02:30:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: choked
NOW BLASTING: Sade - No Ordinary Love

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like
you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you
I'm falling
I'm falling...

2006-08-19T22:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: somewhat normal
NOW BLASTING: SOAD - Soldier Side

God damn. Annual health screening. On Wed 15/8/06.
I pointed out where to poke. Coz I know my veins are small. But fucker insisted on poking the side. Not much came out. So they had to repoke on where I pointed out in the first place!
And this was wat happened to my arm. WTF?

2006-06-28T20:11:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: Down
NOW BLASTING: Breaking Benjamin - So Cold

Show me how it ends it's alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfied and empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try
If you find your family, don't you cry
In this land of make-believe, dead and dry
You're so cold, but you feel alive
Lay your hands on me one last time

I havent been able to sleep well lately.
Too many things on my mind.
Too many things becoming too REAL.
In my head.
In my eyes.
In my heart.
I can't control them like I used to be able to.
I dont know why
I dont know
I dont know anything anymore
Just trying to let it go...

2006-05-27T03:34:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: depressed
NOW BLASTING: Acid Bath - Venus Blue

can everyone say...
inferiority complex?
how about...
selective amnesia?
i wish...

Fuck...
Go away...
Just fucking go away...

2006-04-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: sick & exhausted
NOW BLASTING: Machinehead - Imperium

Been a while...
I am soooo sickkk. Throat feels like there is a toad wanking in there UGH!

I was at the school's Charity Golf event at Raffles Country Club yesterday. Big event coz of all the MPs and bigshots present so I had to be there to film and photograph the event with my media club. Anyways, before I left for the golf range (still at the country club), I figured I should take a piss first. So I went in and looked fro a toilet. When I walked in I was so fucking... ASTONISHED. The toilet was soooo fucking big!!! Probably 3 times the size of my apartment, partitioned into two. One side with big mirrors, towels, plush armchairs, OSIM massage chairs...!!! The toilet was AIR-CONNED too! And it smelled soooooo sweet that I almost started to get paranoid lol

It was unbelievable... Why tho???... I pondered as I sat on the throne and did my business. People pay thousands of dollars to join the club to... well... play golf? swim? EAT?... u can do all that at a cheaper price definitely. It's some kind of unnecessary social standard where you can scoff at low-income families in a somewhat nicer way. So playing golf, swimming and having meals with fake, self-absorbed, hi-class perverts and snobs is worth all the money. So being able to afford such "privileges" makes them feel like their shit dont stink. Heh.
Observe the etiquette of the club they said. All the while I was there with them, none of them impressed me. All they did was crack jokes about teaching, make crude comments and brag about how great the tee off was. Not that i know shite about golfing nor do i give a fuck lol. These people are no different from anybody else if not worse. People on the streets can be more classy than them. What a total waste.

And so... hours in the hot sun (from 1 - 3.30) and then hours in the air-con restaurant right after AND hours of work (8.30am - 9.30pm) AND after being left stranded with 4 kids at a tee by a fucked-up impatient marshal....... finally took its toll on me and i started wheezing and sneezing... I'm glad I got sick tho... in front of everyone too lol... so i took today and tmrw off... yay for me! Next week onwards will be more hectic, with the exams approaching...

*sigh* and someone saidbeing a teacher is easy...

2006-03-19T13:37:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: okay
NOW BLASTING: Machinehead

What kind of eyes do you have?

Moonlight
You have moonlight eyes. Moonlight is the color of mystery. Your eyes symbolize your ability to see yourself as others see you. You have finesse for letting other people know what you think. You have a soothing and calming ability that you may or may not know about. You have the awesome ability to draw a person's negative energy out and replace it with a positive energy; the world needs more people like you. Some words to describe you: patient, self-controlled, perseverance, insightful, reflective, understanding, serene, and caring.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

2006-03-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: frustrated
NOW BLASTING: Slipknot - Vermillion Pt 2

She seemed dressed in all of me
stretched across my shame
all the torment and the pain
leaked through and covered me
now I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do

She is everything that is me
the undesirable dream
a song that noone sings
the unimaginable
Shes a myth that I have to believe in
all I really want
is for it to secede

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me...

2006-02-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: frustrated
NOW BLASTING: VADER

You have no heart...

2006-02-22T01:36:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: loved
NOW BLASTING: GNR - Live & Let Die

My mom came over today. She nagged at me coz...

I didnt tell her i took the day off
She would have made me cook if she had known but she didnt so she had brought over some food haha
I got some goldfish now but 4 of them just turned over n floated on top coz i forgot to change the water, so she took one home LOL
I forgot to hide my ashtray here and she saw it n smacked my head
My house is a mess.

I love my mom. LOL! ()

Second chances

2006-02-21T00:10:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: contemplative
NOW BLASTING: Rob Halford - Silentscream

Breaking up and 2nd chances...

It's hard to make a sweeping statement on issues like this. Should u or should u not; give 2nd chances once the words roll off your/his/her tongue?

I believe everyone should get second chances in life. Otherwise how do we learn from mistakes? Sometimes in life, we make the wrong decisions. How many times can u confidently say u have thought things thru so thoroughly that there are absolutely no possible loopholes? How often can u say that u have never said things u don't mean when u are angry?
If the answer is a 100% of the time, I believe it's more of... once u have made a decision, u are too afraid to step down and say "I've made a mistake".

I'd never go down on my knees begging and whining for a 2nd chance. Indeed, that is like spitting on your dignity and selling your soul. If the person is THAT hard-hearted, I don't think I would even want a 2nd chance. Why would I want to stick around with a hard-headed egoistical fuck, who obviously does not love me enough or love himself too much, to give me a second chance?

No serious commitment has been made. You're not married. Suck it up. Move on.
There are others who are probably more than willing to give you that second chance.
Granted, easier said than done. You're scared. You're hurt. You're absolutely shattered. But that's just how life is. Just have to deal with the shite life has dished out on u. There are bigger things happening. And if you think about it, it isn't so bad after all.

2006-02-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: weird & tired
NOW BLASTING: Nuclear Assault - Game Over

LOL!... nothing better to do... Thanks for the link Nadz ()

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ayin!

Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's ayin supply! (Go Japs!)
The number one cause of blindness in the United States is ayin. (Goddamn... i guess i should stop mooning people huh ())
If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into ayin! (Haha! anybody wanna try this??? ())
When provoked, ayin will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker. (swivel?! Damn I'm THAT flabby...)
If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill ayin!
Ayin has 118 ridges around the edge.
Early thermometers were filled with ayin instead of mercury. (I measure heat lol)
Ayin cannot swim! (The only thing in this stupid shit thats true...)
The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes ayin.
In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become ayin on New Year's Day. (ROFLMAO!)

2006-02-13T22:47:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: stressed
NOW BLASTING: Bolt Thrower - The Kill Chain

AUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WORK IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!

SHITE TO DO

Classroom connection
(a) How to connect laptop to PC;
(b) SHARE!!!
Wireless connection
(a) Activate wireless on laptop... SHARE!!!!!!
(b) Weak signals in HOD & Meeting RoomStorage Space --> FIX!!!!!!!!!
(c) Flipalbum, meeting with W & vendor
(d) Move all pics & vids to new server
Website
(a) Liase with Lam & get him to make everything accessible on my end
PDA
(a) Install activesync/mapking
(b) Ensure wireless works
(c) Arrange training with David
(d) Learning circle - how to integrate into currm every Wed 10 - 11.30am
(e) Meeting with EXCO members on how to use PDA
Exam matters
(a) P2 SA1 Math papers due 23/2
Hong Kah Pt event
(a) 18 to 19 Feb, 3 to 10.30pm
(b) Check inventories & order for shortages eg badges, cartridge
Outdoor lesson
(a) OL to Sci Ctr with 3C4 Thurs 9.30 - 11.30am
(b) Produce P2 OL vid
(c) Enable access to SEED Prog folder

There! This thing is starting to look like a notepad instead of a blog...

2006-02-07T01:03:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: despondent
NOW BLASTING: Trivium - Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr

How can I look at you
without being moved by you
How can I be with you
without losing everything
I don't want a thing from you
but to hear you
I don't want anything from you
but to see you smile
Can it be done?
Can it?

The voices in my head
God which one is you...

If only...
Always... if only...

2006-01-28T15:15:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: pissed... kinda
NOW BLASTING: Quo Vadis - Break The Cycle

Tired... and either glad or pissed.I've been in the IT team and KCM (Knowledge & Comm Mgt) Committee since I joined teaching and all my duties are IT-related. For which I am glad as it is something that I actually enjoy doing. But today I found that she had been made Vice Chair of the committee... ??? W.T.F man...

First of all, I work hard (even tho I do try to dodge some work thrown my way... but if I can't, I do it quick just so I can get it over with) and I know my shite. It's IT after all! She doesn't know shite about IT. She is just pushy and naggy. Heh, maybe thats how she got the position...
Secondly, I am not envious of her. In fact, I'm glad it wasn't me. Being v/c means... more responsibility & more paperwork. Not my thing. I prefer hands-on.
It's just that... why didn't they appoint someone else who has been there longer than either of us and has more experience?

O fuck it. As long as she isn't getting paid more than me, I'm fine with that lol

I donno why I typed this in the first place.

2006-01-17T01:50:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: hurt
NOW BLASTING: Dark Haven - Revenant

Crying
for attention
affection
love

Dying
of loneliness
rejection
hurt

Too much
Too much
And yet nothing at all
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing...

2006-01-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: silly
NOW BLASTING: SOAD - Stealing Society

"Parents, please proceed to the canteen on the first floor so we can start our assembly. You can come again later at 3 o'clock and accompany your children during recess time."

Now, in Malay...
"Umm... ibu bapa tolong ke bawah jadi kita boleh mulakan assembly. Nanti pukul 3 boleh datang lagi ke canteen."

wtf man?! WTF?! MAKKAO! LMFAO! I have never felt sooo stupid in my whole entire life. Mrs Kirk must've thot so too coz she gave me the weirdest fucking look EVER. So that was how my first school week of 06 began. Fauziah is gonna tease me for the rest of the year. At least she said I gave her a reason to come to work everyday LOL I hope more felt that way haha!

Okay, I have always been a planner when it comes to work but this time I have no clue how this year is gonna go. I just got done with the whole year's lesson plans... easy coz same level as last yr. Now I just gotta deal with iCell, PDAs, enrichment progs, school website, media eqpmt maintenance, weekly CCA plans and of course... the bitch. She is tame this week but there's about 39 weeks to go... I'd like to see her TRY smthn on me again... heh.

I miss last yr's grp. Siew Ling's screamings, kak Rozi's food and fcourse JANET! XOXOXO! No more "I'm busy. Go away." and "It's not my fault your son's a moron." CLASSIC! Zaini still comes and whines and complains about everything under the sun... as usual.

Azhar is the cutest frigging thing. Slower than a turtle. But cute. Chao Dong already gets on my nerves. But I am gonna keep whipping him back in line. Group points does wonders. They are all so still in the "ME!ME!ME!" phase. Cept for Atiqah. I think I'm gonna appoint her class monitor. Chermaine hugged me on Friday. Not good. I don't wanna seem too nice on the first week. Dammit lol! She fkn bounces off walls man. Can't keep still. Always giggling her socks off. I threatened to bring in ropes to tie some of them down. They think it's funny. () lol! I should get lessons from Chris! How come HER kids NEVER EVER talk! But then again, thats not too good either...

*sigh* TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am bitching but in all actuality... I miss school. ()

But then again...

SHIT TO DO THIS WEEKEND

Call iCell and
Check out school website and see if there's any minor things that can be done so it looks "revamped".
Get updated school info for website. Update later.
Identify LA kids for extra classes. Prepare consent forms.
Think of smthn for CCA Fair on Wednesday.
Remind teachers to check out IT eqpmts and prepare form to be given to Jax.
Get update from Jax about school MOE webspace. (for TL dept)
Collate ALL pictures and videos to be transferred to school server. Create backups.
Identify courses I'd like to take for this yr. Print list. Total cost.
Get keys for library cupboard from MR Teo.
Prepare materials for this wk.
Lesson plan on EMAILS & BLOGS!!! (for T1 & 2)
Call Nadz & Rat and RSVP Kamar abt wedding.
Call Abg Adi & Abg Man abt dad
Print this out.

Man... I gotta get some kind of notebook to remind me of stuff.... grr......

PS. Blah wrote this on Friday but clicked save as draft instead of post. I am such a dork.

2005-12-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: numb
NOW BLASTING: Soilwork - Departure Plan

Why do we,
in our childhood
paint the world with colours
only to realise
it's all just black, white and gray...

Why do we,
in our childhood and youth
wish for time to go so fast
but now that we're adults
we wish for just the opposite...

Why do we,
in our youth
feel everything so intensely
so immensely
only to become numb later on...

Why do we,
in our youth
allow ourselves to dream
reach for the skies
only to eventually
fall back hard to the ground...

Why do we,
ask questions
that we know
goes without answers.

http://ladydeath.greatestjournal.com/2003/09/26/

2005-12-23T20:07:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: helpless
NOW BLASTING: Porcupine Tree - Trains

Why does it always have to be this way?
hold me...... please.........

Train set and match spied under the blind Shiny
and contoured the railway winds
And I've heard the sound from my cousin's bed
The hiss of the train at the railway head
Always the summers are slipping away
A 60 ton angel falls to the earth
A pile of old metal, a radiant blur
Scars in the country, the summer and her
Always the summers are slipping away
Find me a way for making it stay
When I hear the engine pass
I'm kissing you wide
The hissing subsides
I'm in luck
When the evening reaches here
You're tying me up
I'm dying of love
It's OK

2005-12-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: fucked up
NOW BLASTING: Sacred Reich - If Only

"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"

How do I forget
the pain that you've caused me
How can I forget
the memories that you've made for me
Why can't I forget
the hurt that you've given me
Why won't I forget
Why...

Another year...
same as the last
time flies so fast
feels like yesterday
you blew me away
and now the memories
just fucking wont go away...

2005-12-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: weird
NOW BLASTING: Opeth - The Drapery Falls

Please remedy my confusion
And thrust me back to the day
The silence of your seclusion
Brings night into all you say

Pull me down again
And guide me into pain

I'm counting nocturnal hours
Drowned visions in haunted sleep
Faint flickering of your powers
Leaks out to show what you keep

Pull me down again
And guide me into

There is failure inside
This test I can't persist
Kept back by the enigma
No criterias demanded here
Deadly patterns made my wreath
Prosperous in your ways
Pale ghost in the corner
Pouring a caress on your shoulder

Puzzled by shrewd innocence
Runs a thick tide beneath
Ushered into inner graves
Nails bleeding from the struggle
It is the end for the weak at heart
Always the same
A lullaby for the ones who've lost all
Reeling inside
My gleaming eye in your necklace reflects
Stare of primal regrets
You turn your back and you walk away
Never again

Spiralling to the ground below
Like Autumn leaves left in the wake to fade away
Waking up to your sound again
And lapse into the ways of misery

2005-12-08T10:33:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: upset
NOW BLASTING: nothing

I lost it...

Quizzz

2005-11-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: bored
NOW BLASTING: Racer X - Scarified

YOUR OBSERVATION SKILLS GET A B-

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time) And it takes something big to distract you!

How Observant Are You?

YOUR BLOG SHOULD BE PURPLE

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.
You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.
You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

Ayin- Damn right it's all about me! It's MY blog! ()

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

THE KEYS TO YOUR HEART

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.
You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

YOUR WORLD VIEW

You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others.
You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances.
You are essentially a content person.

Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior.
You are moral by your own standards.
You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion.

What Is Your World View?

2005-11-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: amused
NOW BLASTING: Rusty Blade - Ikrar Perwira

I thought this is pretty interesting. They are both bands with the name AYIN.

http://www.myspace.com/ayin
http://www.myspace.com/ayin2

I'm gonna be famous one day ()!

Welcome Home

2005-11-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: contemplative
NOW BLASTING: Metallica - Welcome Home (Sanitarium)

Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, No windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred

Sleep my friend and you will see
that dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Cant they see it's why my brain says rage

Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone

Build my fear of whats out there
cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
assuring me that Im insane
They think our heads are in their hands
but violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied it makes him well
hes getting better cant you tell

No more can they keep us in
Listen dammit we will win
They see it right, they see it well
but they think this saves us from our hell

Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill is such a friendly word
Seems the only way
for reaching out again

2005-11-16T15:49:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: disgusted
NOW BLASTING: Roadrunner United - In The Fire

My father-in-law had a heart attack on the 5th of November. We were on the way to my hub's kampung in Malaysia and my father-in-law was driving. Suddenly, at about 1.30pm, he had a heart attack but he managed to stop the car. It wasn't as dramatic as it usually is on TV. None of us knew what was going on. Luckily, my hub knows how to drive so he drove to his grandmother's place.

When we reached there, he did not look good at all. He couldn't move and basically, just couldn't do anything but lay there in the living room. We knew we had to get him to the hospital immediately but, nobody knew the number to call the ambulance! Can you believe it?! I simply could NOT believe that NOBODY knew the number. Even the doctor from a nearby clinic who came to the house didn't know! A doctor!

Eventually, we found out the number and the ambulance came at about 6pm. The paramedics, I assumed, walked slowly into the house and asked some of us to help carry my father-in-law onto the stretcher. By this time, I was already shaking my head at the incompetence of the healthcare officers there.

We immediately arranged for a Singapore ambulance to wait for us at the Immigration Checkpoint. When we arrived in Singapore, he was RUSHED to NUH and had a surgery as they found out that 2 of the arteries leading to his heart was blocked. I assumed that it was because of smoking.

After 4 days in the Intensive Care Unit, he passed away quietly on the 9th of November. May he rest in peace.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I am both disgusted and disappointed at the healthcare services in Malaysia. I can only hope that what happened to my family is not a reflection of the whole country's general healthcare service. If it is, I am deeply sorry for the people living there.

2005-10-19T01:15:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: amused
NOW BLASTING: Nevermore - The River Dragon Has Spoken

Got back in contact with Sarah. She just gave birth last month! OMG! I didnt even know! But good for her hehe! Anyway check this out... SO OLD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!

Haha! In Sec 2, all dorky and shit! This makes me feel like digging up all the old photos heh... maybe i shall ()

2005-10-15T00:31:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: sick & tired... really!
NOW BLASTING: Lamb of God

I have never felt so constantly sick in my entire life... ever...

It's been two weeks... and every single morning, the first thing that I feel like doing is throwing up... other than the need to pee fcourse... I pee buckets now... I cant eat too much... or I'll puke... I cant eat too little... or I'll puke too... so much for fasting... Not ONE day this year... that sooo sux ()...

My boobs hurt... my arse hurt... I sleep like a pig now too! ()... I wake up at 7+, send wadi to door, go back to sleep, wake up at 11, go to school, *POWERNAP!* every chance i get, go home at 6.30, break fast with wadi (not that i was fasting in the first place heh but after all that sleep... i get hungry dammit!), shower, pray, sleep at 8, wake up at 12, check work email, do work, chat, sleep at 2, wake up at 7 again... and the day repeats itself...

On an average, I sleep like... *counts*... TWELVE HOURS A DAY!!! OMG!!! And I used to live on 4 hrs a day()...

O it's not all complaints tho... I'm terribly excited heheh... and a bit worried sometimes coz u know... u never know stuff happens... but anyway, gonna meet gyne next wednesday and see how it goes... It's a really nice feeling ()... Sometimes I'd fall asleep in front of the tv and wake up to find him rubbing my tummy lol... even tho it isnt that big just yet lol... ahhh... *sigh* ()

2005-10-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: excited
NOW BLASTING: Trivium - The Deceived

I... am... PREGNANT!

()

Discipline Pt 2

2005-09-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

CURRENT MOOD: frustrated
NOW BLASTING: Nirvana - In Bloom

Okay apprently what happened was... Bingjian let Chuanyao queue behind him, which was in front of Winston. Winston wasn't happy so he took Chuanyao's cap n hid it. Thats why he said Winston was stealing, before Winston gave it back. That was when Jaga came in n told them to be quiet n face the front. When she walked away, Winston muttered stupid and Jon told Jaga wat he said. That was when she scolded him and he started crying n stamping his feet. and THAT was when Jaga told him to stop acting so silly! And the rest is history...

Anyways, Belinda, Jaga and I talked to his dad. He seemed more concerned about what triggered Winston's behaviour rather than how he handled the situation so rudely. He said the other boy shouldnt have accused him of stealing. I told him that Winston did take Chuanyao's cap. His dad was like ah but thats just kid's squabble. The 3 of us were like WTF?! Oooookayyyyy? Then he proceeded to ask what happened BEFORE that and I told hi mthat Chuanyao cut queue and that made Winston unhappy. And he said Chuanyao shouldnt have done that. I was tempted to cut him off and say "ah thats only kids squabble" but he went on and on about how that probably triggered the unexpected behaviour in Winston. OMG it was all CRAP! His son can do NOTHING wrong!

The teachers and I were more concerned about how he handles himself when he;s in trouble and instead his dad focused on what had triggered the reaction. DUDE! I mean COME ON! He's got YEARS of school life ahead of him and if he doesnt know how to handle a situation now, he;s never gonna learn. SOMEONE's got to teach him! His dad said someone should tell that boy not to use the word "STEAL" coz its very serious. We were like, to the boy it probably WAS serious. Theyre just kids and their vocab is obviously limited so what else can he say? In his eyes, Winston did steal his cap. Then he said teachers should have done something about that cutting queue thing. I was like we didnt even KNOW! Winston didnt even explain to the teachers what had happened. How can his dad expect us to do anything about something we're not told about? Instead of calmly tellign a teacher, he chose to throw a fucking tantrum! THAT needs some looking into. Not how the teachers handle the situation.

Man it is SAD. I dont like parents beating their kids up but in this case, I do think some kind of spanking or caning is in order. And by caning i do not mean some heavy duty shit. Just a light caning would do. This may be a scare tactic but it WORKS. Kids that age do not always listen to reason so how else do we get them to listen? By scaring them. By the time they go to highschool, caning is obviously out of the question. At that age, kids are able to think and reason, therefore there is no need for caning.

And then there's Jolin. She was caught shoplifting at the bookshop. Man I feel sorry for this kid. Her mom gives her 30cents everyday and packs her lunch. She isnt allowed to use the 30 cents coz its only for emergency. At the end of the day she is to return the money. Not too bad right? Okay, hear this. Everytime during exam period, if she scores less than full marks, she gets one stroke of the cane for every one mark she loses. So if she gets 80/100, she gets 20 strokes. JEEZ! Okay, the kid may be exaggerating but still? I wouldnt cane them to make them study. I would cane to correct terrible behaviour. To make them study, I would take away privileges. She said that she shoplifted coz she is jealous all her friends buys nice things from the bookshop and she cant coz her mom doesnt give her pocket money. I wish Winston's folks are this strict with him LOL!

One too lenient and the other too strict. To each his own I guess. Their kids, their rules.

PS. I still think that getting jailed for spanking ur own kid for the purpose of disciplining is TOTAL and ABSOLUTE CRAP!

Ouch my ears!

2005-09-20T10:52:00.000+08:00

Today I learnt something new. I learnt that if I blow my nose too hard, the germs from the mucus can travel to the ears and thus, cause an infection. This is because the mouth, nose and ears are connected.

Yesterday after school, my left ear started hurting so badly! I thought my head was going to explode. When I reached home, I took a shower and tried to sleep it off but it still hurt. In the end, I went to see a doctor and that was what he told me. I thought he was joking but obviously, he wasnt!

I'm guessing that the infection is somewhere in the middle ear. The doctor says this will hopefully clear up after 2 or 3 days. Otherwise I will have to see him again.

Disciplin Pt 1

2005-09-18T05:23:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:pissed
Now Blasting: RA - Every Little Thing

We had our outdoor lessons yesterday 160905. All the P1s and P2s. We had a pretty good time there. It was the lantern festival and the lanterns were amazing!

But that isnt why im writing here. When we got back to school, Jaga caught Winston talking to Chuanyao. Apaprently Chuanyao accused him of taking his things and Winston denied it.While Jaga was scolding away, Winston looked into his bag and muttered "Stupid". Belinda saw him and dragged his arse up. The silly boy started crying n whimpering and throwing a bloody tantrum. Belinda brought him to the back of the hall where I was. I was like ugh him again. I let Belinda handle him coz I was really tired. The boy wouldnt stop whimpering and tried to run away while he was being scolded. Belinda made him stand in a corner and tried to get him to stop bawling like that. She was like "You look awful when you do that. Stop crying!" and she said she would take a pic to show him how he looks like when he cries. And omg Winston said "If you take picture I'll KICK YOU!" and he went up to her. Halfway, I grabbed his arm and dragged him dow nto the office. I was so mad!!! OMG! Such rudeness TOTALLY PISSES ME OFF even if it isnt towards me. I was like HOW DARE YOU!
I called his mom n spoke to her about his behaviour. We made him stand there till he quietens down. Then Peck saw some blood on his neck and she asked him whered that come from. And he said I SCRATCHED HIM?! Jeez! I didnt even touch him there! And it wasnt even a scratch mark! LOL! Good thing Mrs Kirk came out and spoke to him in private. He said that I MIGHT have done it accidentally when i was dragging him. When she was done she suggested that I talk to him for a bit and so I did. Finally he said that he might have scratched himself when we were in the hot sun at Chinese Garden. The lil brat! LOL! He couldve cost me my JOB! Jeez! Now I know to be more careful around these kids... liars at such a young age. It's sad.

I will need to speak to Mrs Kirk about this. I dont want her to think that I'm a violent teacher lol which i am ost definitely not. But still she might think i am. UGH! Tarnish my reputation. If I was his mom i'd bloody SPANK him coz he deserves it! She thinks hes an angel. Eeesh! The kid is damn smart yes but he needs a lot of disciplining. Ah o well... another day...

Ra!

2005-09-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: enthralled
Now Blasting: Ra - Fallen Angels

I absolutely ADORE this song!

http://rafans.net/
http://raband.net/

Hmm I should put up a radio blog like that... that would be cool u think?

2005-09-10T01:52:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: lonely...... as usual

Now Blasting: Devil Driver - Hold Back the Day

There is no such thing as a platonic relationship. No. Never has been. Never will be.
Say what you want. Yeah maybe I come from a long line of dinosaurs but knowing FACTS helps.
Or does it? Fuck knows. I only know wat I know. And that doesnt seem to be getting me anywhere. Nowhere. Fucking nowhere at all.

I'm tired.

2005-08-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: depressed

Now Blasting: Chaoswave - Swept Away

I need you
but ur not here for me
I want you
but i cant get away from here
I'm hurting
more than anyone can ever imagine
I'm losing
everything i thought was real
I'm dying
from my own self destruction

Is it me?
Is it me???
Why must you always do this???

2005-08-15T04:06:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:sad
Now Blasting: BLS - Rust

All that shines... turn to rust...
All that stands in time... turns to dust

War? WMD? WTF???

2005-08-13T00:46:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: disgusted
Now Blasting: GNR - Civil War

NEVER BELIEVE ALL YOU READ IMO. It's NEVER only facts. No matter how factual it may seem, there's always someone at the end of that pen who has his own mind and opinion. Inevitably these thoughts and frustrations get spilt onto the paper which unsurprisingly turn into "facts".

How can anyone ever justify the happenings in Iraq, I will never understand. How can anyone SUPPORT that insanity, I will NEVER understand.

True that nukes and WMDs are not the only weapons terrorists use. However, point in fact, that was the MAIN reason why US set foot in Iraq a cpl of years back. In search of these now-proven-non-fkn-existent WMDS. And now Iran??? You may think, why not North Korea? Because they dont wanna get their arses blasted sky-high without so much of a fight, thats why. And thinking that the civilians are GLAD the US military are there? Think again. Those people were not jumping with joy that they were "saved" by the US. Funny how the media can twist and portray a short video clip to their advantage. And even funnier that people believe what they see...

Realising that this planet is populated with such dense stupidity frightens me. Depresses me.
And downright pisses me off....
I should quit reading all this crap.... lol

Ah BTW... some interesting readings...

Thread Subject: China beefing up. http://stonerrock.com/forums2/allposts.asp?summary=1&Forum=ap883406056&ID=1269719&access=2&status=1&StartAt=0&subject=China+beefing+up%2E

Thread Subject: iranian weapons found in iraq http://stonerrock.com/forums2/allposts.asp?summary=1&Forum=ap883406056&ID=1267307&access=2&status=1&StartAt=0&subject=iranian+weapons+found+in+iraq

Thread Subject: IRAQ: 'It Takes A Village To Run An Insurgency'
http://stonerrock.com/forums2/allposts.asp?summary=1&Forum=ap883406056&ID=1269616&access=2&status=1&StartAt=0&subject=IRAQ%3A+%60It+Takes+A+Village+To+Run+An+Insurgency%60

"What's so civil about war anyway?"

More Quizzes!!!

2005-08-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: bored
Now Blasting: Divine Souls - Empty Words

Your Kissing Purity Score: 49% pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

What High Schooler are you?

Rebel

Hey, you are a rebel. You never cared to follow the rules. You most likely spent a lot of time in dentention, or you managed to get yourself out of it.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

You Are a Freedom Rocker!

You're stuck in the 70s - for better or worse Crazy hair, pot soaked clothes, and tons of groupies Your kind showed the world how to rock Is that freedom rock?... Well turn it up man!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative. You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential. Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them. As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise. Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself. You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books. You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life. You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world. A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional

Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional

Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

2005-08-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: down
Now Blasting: Riot - Cover Me

I kinda miss my online friends... so busy with shit, i dont have much time for anything much anymore. Sux...

ReTaWdZ

2005-08-02T10:52:00.001+08:00

Current Mood: annoyed
Now Blasting: SYL-Love

After years of experience in chatrooms and forums, I have come to the conclusion that... PeOpLe who taWk liKe diZ aRe ReTaWdZ...
It's tr0o! Maybe they think its 733T or something... or that its incredibly cool to be seen chatting with a "difference"... "non-konformation of da herd"... Or maybe I shouldnt be too overly critical... Maybe they're suffering from some kind of typing deficiency or lack of brain to fingers coordination... Otherwise.... WTF!!! I mean DUDE!!!!!!! Are you LANGUAGE IMPAIRED?!?!?! Goddamn...

I am late for work.

STRESSSEDDDD OUTTTT

2005-07-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: fkn exhausted
Now Blasting: Sonata Arctica - Letter To Dana

It is Monday.
Weekend just passed and I dont feel refreshed... at all. I'm so fkn tired. So many things to do. We just coordinated the Racial Harmony Day events. I went to like 2 workshops in the past week. Another one tmrw. Then there's the P5 camp frm 2nd to 5th Aug. We have to stay either 7am - 11am, then go to school as usual. OR go to school as usual then go to camp 10pm - 7am. I have to say this... That is FUCKING INSANE. Then another workshop before school on 4th Aug. WITS presentation on 5th Aug. Oh and a doc's appt this wednesday. But I cant go coz I have IT enrichment class. Have to reschedule.
OH... also... bought a new system. Not working. Hub is pissed. I am pissed. Heh yay...
On top of that, some ppl think my job is easy. Sure, just go into class and nag here n there. Shove worksheets down their throats. Tolerate a bit of screaming and whining. And maybe even HOPE that they learn smthn...
Overworked and underpaid. Peanuts, indeed. Heh.
I have a splitting headache. My tummy hurts. I feel like shit. Alone. And overwhelmed. It can only get better...

Canon Digifest workshop

2005-07-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: alright
Now Blasting: Skid Row - I Remember You

Yesterday, at 7pm, hub and I went to a Canon Digifest workshop at CCK.

It is a film-making workshop. I learnt a great deal of stuff there... the various types of camera shots eg. close-up, high angle, low angle blablabla. Then Wendy, the instructor, explained the various aspects of film-making - pre, during and post production work.

Then, we had hands-on activities. We had to get ourselves into groups and shoot some scenes from around the area. We were in a group with these two apeks. One of them brought his daughter along. She was annoying as shit. Anyway... we came back and edited the movie using Adobe Premiere. It wasn't too difficult for me n the hub as we have had experience using similar softwares. The final product wasn't brilliant or anything but it was alright. At least now I've learnt the the techniques of making a video sort of go together with the beat of a song.

Im pretty damn excited. I can't wait to teach my kids how to do all this. I have 2 weeks to get them finish a project. They're gonna need lots of handholding lol!

Man... I dont believe im getting excited over more work... ()

2005-07-13T03:16:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: numb

Ayim Raspatul has passed on...
Still hasnt sunk in yet...
No words...
..............................
Innalillahiwa inna ilaihi roji'un...

2005-07-07T23:54:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: stressed
Now Blasting: Poison - Life Goes On

i lost the keys to all my cupboards in school and my wallet and cellphone and other personal belongings are still in there right now i spent an hour after school till like half past 7 pm looking for the bloody keys till the school attendant had to shoo me off coz she had to go home and i wanted to bring home some of the DV tapes that i have in there so i can find where the clip of our outdoor lesson to the science centre is so that i can hand it over to the vice principal of my school coz she PERSONALLY asked me for it earlier today and she wanted it TOMORROW i burned the clips on a CD-rom last month but when i brought it home yesterday IT WOULDNT FKN OPEN!!! so i have to look through AAALLLLLLLL the DV tapes i got in the cupboard again but now i cant bring them home and check it all and i feel pretty damn shitty coz i wouldve gotten a lot more work done right now IF I JUST HADNT LOST THE KEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*sobs*
I'm stressed out can u tell???????? lol

Promises...

2005-07-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: pissed off
Now Blasting: Amorphis - Alone

i just dont understand how a person can make promises...
and then break them...
feel no guilt about it...
and does nothing to make up for it...
what kind of a human being is this?

Alone

2005-07-02T03:40:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: lonely

Now Blasting: Suicidal Tendencies - Alone

Today I went to watch a movie.
I booked the tickets... alone
I walked to the cinema... alone
I walked home... alone
And as far as I'm concerned...
I watched the movie... alone

----------------------------------

A room full of people,
can't nobody help me,
I'm alone
I just need...
Someone to take my hand and pick me up when I'm feeling down
Someone to take my heart and give it a home
Someone to be with me and help me through the times when I'm down and lonely
Someone to be with me when I'm alone
Alone is the way I live
It's not the way I want it but I know I can't give in
Alone is the way I feel
There ain't nothing quite as sad as
A person that's alone...

Dialogue Session with #1

2005-07-01T01:17:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: tired
Now Blasting: Amorphis - Tuonela

Man... its been a while since ive heard Amorphis... I used to like every song on this album but now so far i like only one lol

Anyways, dialogue session with #1 tmrw. He said to prepare anything that we would like to discuss but i have no clue wat to prepare. I pretty much take all my duties in stride. It's part of the job isnt it? I'm not gonna make it more difficult for myself by bitching and whining.

IT Level Rep for P2. In charge of video and archiving or images and videos of school events. Now I have to maintain and update school website as well. That amongst many other things a teacher already has to do. Gonna teach the kids how to blog but first, I have to find time to do it on top of normal curriculum. Looks like i'm gonna have to get them to come back before school.

Oh straying here... *erm*... dialogue session... I'm pretty much happy with the school. At least he doesnt seem so racially biased as one whom i have previously worked for. He is very reflective and seems to be a reasonable person, even though he has set high goals for the school, I am wary as to whether they are achievable. But I'm not gonna mention all that tmrw fcourse lol Not gonna tell the man how to do his job. Not that I know how heh. Am just contented in my own lil cube.

O well, lets just hope everything goes well tmrw...

Dangerous Minds

2005-06-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:weird

Now Blasting: Killswitch Engage

DANGEROUS MINDS
"I will not carry myself down to die
When I go to my grave my head will be high"
Lu-Ann tried hard to make them see
That they have the power to make their lives be
The problem not only lies in the system
The problem also lies deep within them
But that's not where the problem end
Sapiens like the principal who's rated ten
On the scale of snobby, arrogant, stink-breaths
Who unwittingly drove Emilio to his death
What's a stupid knock on the door
compared to the voices of the poor
Which broke through the hardened wall of pride
instead of running off to hide?
And the twins' fucked-up mother
who hadn't a thought to bother
About making her son's future bright
coz she thinks poetry just ain't right
Though life ain't smooth for all of us
It takes real guts to get on that bus
Coz those who doesn't will only mean
that they'll end up just like Mr.Tambourine
How life approaches does not matter
It's up to us to make it better......

051195

----------------------------------------------

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,
Vanished from my hand,
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,
I promise to go under it.

Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're
Seein' that he's chasing.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

- Bob Dylan

Quizzes

2005-06-21T09:38:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: sleepy
Now Blasting: Tori Amos - Jackie's Strength

I havent taken quizzes like this in a while...

Your Birthdate: October 21

Being born on the 21st day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about. You are affectionate and loving, but very sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

*Dammit!* LOL!()

Your Taste in Music:

Heavy Metal: Highest Influence

90's Alternative: High Influence

Hair Bands: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

90's Pop: Low Influence

Classic Rock: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

Punk: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Trip to KL

2005-06-19T01:56:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: happy
Now Blasting: Shadow's Fall - The Light That Blinds

I just got back from a 3D2N trip from KL a cpl of hours ago. MAN I did soooooo much shopping!!! LOL! We stayed at the Berjaya Times Square Hotel and pretty much explored the place on our own. There are FOUR LRTs there can u believe it??? So it got a bit confusing and we got tired walkign everywhere but nonetheless we had a good time.

Places we went to...

Berjaya Times Square Shopping Centre

Theme Park @Berjaya Times Square

"This is balls. I'm going back to the roller coaster!"

KLCC

Campbell Complex

Masjid India & Masjid Jamek

One thing that I cannot get over is how cute the pedestrian lights are!!! When it is red, the red man stand there quietly but when it turns green, the green man starts walking!!! HOW CUTE IS THAT!!! LOL!

I would definitely go there again. We didn't get to go to Bukit Bintang and a cpl of other places. Plus, I dont mind going to the theme park again hehe! We should do this more often mwahahhaa!

Death is imminent...

2005-06-16T01:23:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: remorseful
Now Blasting: Soilwork - Weapon of Vanity

We are not human
...we are puppets
We are not big
...we are tiny
We are not progressing
...we are lagging
We are not powerful
...we are weak
We are not living
...we are dying
Everyday

Death is imminent
When will we wake up?

Saminah Bte Sadali
1921 - 2005

Purity Knight

2005-06-15T02:58:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: upset
Now Blasting: Negative Creep

I came across this link when I was looking up stories behind songs.

http://www.crimescene.com/purity/

The utter sickness of the human mind
Never ceases to amaze me, shock me, nauseate me
Burying a young girl of 20, in a wooden box
alive...
my God, what the hell is WRONG with PEOPLE???
Why do they do SICK SHIT like this??????
What is this world coming to???
Astargfirullah...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Maze...psychopathic daze... I create this waste
Back away from tangents, on the verge of drastic ways...
can't escape this place... I deny your face
Sweat gets in my eyes, I think I'm slowly dying

Put me in a homemade cellar
Put me in a hole for shelter
Someone hear me please,
all I see is hate I can hardly breathe,
and I can hardly take it

HANDSONMYFACEOVERBEARING
ICAN'TGETOUT

Lost...ran at my own cost... hearing laughter, scoffed
Learning from the rush, detached from such and such
Bleak...all around me, weak...listening, incomplete
I am not a dog, but I'm the one your dogging

I am in a buried kennel
I have never felt so final
Someone find me please, losing all reserve
I am fucking gone, I think I'm fucking dying

You all stare, but you'll never see
There is something inside me
There is something in you I despise

Cut me - show me - enter - I am
willing and able and never any danger to myself
Knowledge in my pain, knowledge in my pain
Or was my tolerance a phase?
Empathy, out of my way I can't die Purity

Slipknot - Purity

You don't need to bother...

2005-06-10T01:42:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: unloved

Now Blasting: Stone Sour - Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater

You dont need to bother
I dont need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I wont let go till it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest

I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open season
For this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

Wish Id died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
With its memories
Diaries left
With cryptic entries

You dont need to bother
I dont need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I'll never live down my deceit

2005-06-06T10:28:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: giddy (coz I just got up)
Now Blasting: birds chirping at my window

Ahhh! Two more days and then im done with school!
Well... for the next 2 weeks at least...
Meeting up with Nadz and Rathiah... Havent hung out with them in EONS!!!
I hope someone will drive....lol

2005-06-06T01:14:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: depressed & annoyed
Now Blasting: Meshuggah - In Death-Is Life

Isnt it sickening
how we have to pretend
that everything's
candies and jelly beans
Even if it feels like the end?

Isnt it revolting
how we have to smile
when you feel like turning
your insides out
and going insanely wild?

Isn't it fucking annoying
how we laugh and turn away
when elders speak of us
but we cant do anything
coz if we do, somehow we'll pay?

Isn't it disgusting
Isnt it sickening
Isnt it revolting
Isn't it fucking annoying

Why then, do I sit here and take it?

----------------------------------------

Do you know?
Do you know what it's like to die,
What it's like to stop breathing?
To be free of all the pain and hurt
From a soul that can't stop bleeding?
Do you know a kind of place
Where there are no tears?
Do you know where to go to vanquish your fears?
Do you know how to be a bird, to grow wings and to fly?
Do you know what it's like to roam free,
To go wherever in the big blue sky?
Do you know how I can smile
Without having to pretend?
To find serenity and peace
Where my sorrow will finally end?
Do you know how to bury your hate,
To quench the fire of abhorrence?
Do you know where I can go
To heal the gaping wound in my heart?
Do you know what can I do
Before frustration tears me apart?
Do you know how I can cope with life
Without breaking down?
Do you know how I can face another day
Without a frown?
Do you know the answers to these questions
Would be a big help to many?
But do you know that many would have to live
Without answers to any?

- 120898 - 0015hrs -

Steps to Happiness

2005-06-04T01:03:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: headachey
Now Blasting: SOAD! SOAD! SOAD!

Something by an anonymous writer that I would like to remember...

Steps to Happiness Everybody Knows:

You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So:
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of being you.

Then:
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.

Heels? Moi???

2005-06-03T18:50:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:tired

I must be out of my mind or smthn...
I bought my first pair of more-than-an-inch heels..................
Why?
Fuck knows lol
Maybe its about time i grow up and be a "woman" LOL
One thing I do know is my calves are gonna get some workout ...

Crying Humanity

2005-06-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: helpless
Now Blasting: SOAD - Mesmerize

here i stand
here i stand aside
watch the worlds collide
watch the lands turn red
bleeding from the head

here i stand
in rags and disarray
as metal bins pass my way
as aliens look for prey

why do you insist?
why do you resist?
why can't you desist?
why wont you just cease?
Why?

here i stand
crying humanity
watching insanity
yearning tranquility

here i stand
watching,listening
thinking, feeling
right, wrong
not for long
not for long...

Muniandy Productions!

2005-05-27T17:22:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: amused
Now Blasting: GNR - Coma

Today is Day 2 of the ICE Festival. We had to be in school by 7.30am.
Then came the interesting part. We viewed a short clip of Paruk (taxi driver), Siew Yee(neighbour), Santhi (Kalaidevi - victim), Har Lai (Mdm Gong/Toto Queen/Best Friend) and Swee Lian (maid. NEWS + interviews with suspects.

Then the various groups - Ice Kachang (my grp!), Ice Mountain, Ice Jelly and Ice Mocha were divided into sub groups - Walk (me!), Bus 1, Bus 2 and Car.We were then sent on a clue hunting spree. LOL it was pretty fun. My group had to walk around and look for the place where the "victim" had breakfast and met up with her maid. The other groups had to go elsewhere to look for "clues".

At the end of it all, we met back in school and tried to piece all the clues together. Then we presented our cases to everyone, the most hilarious being Roslan's group. They came up with the most scandalous story ever lol! - Victim had a relationship with taxi driver who conspired with Mdm Gong to murder Kalaidevi for her money and Mdm Gong had an affair with Kalaidevi's husband to get the rest of the money. And watch out! In Episode 2, husband will also get murdered LOL. Hilarious shit!

Learning point :-

I got to know my colleagues better. I learnt the name of a Chinese food.
I realized that there's still a lot to learn about other cultures even though I have been exposed to them all my life.
It was a really fun activity even for someone my age and I really don't mind doing all that again. :)

2005-05-22T19:12:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: hurt
Now Blasting: the fan

first time that we met ~
i couldnt take my eyes of you ~
o i knew u were the one for me ~

i knew i knew
but i did it anyway
u know u know
but you went ahead anyway

i shouldve known
i shouldve known
things were not meant to be
u shouldve known
u shouldve known
better than to let me be

i knew oh i knew
i would end up feeling this way
i knew i knew
i was leading myself astray

Then why oh why
Did i let this shit be?
Why oh why
Did i refuse to see?
Why Why Why
Did i ignore reality?
Why fucking why
Did i indulge in this fantasy???

Jellies and candies
Hammers and knives
.... .. ....
.. .... ........ .....

Love?

2005-05-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: annoyed
Now Blasting: SYL - Love?

MARCH!!!

LOVE...is a way of feeling
LOVE is a way of feeling less alone
So what's all the fuss about?!?

FUCK IT
LOVE
the paradox of needing
OH LOVE,
MAKE WAY FOR BREEDING

I know what I stand for;
I STAND FOR ME!!!

I'll wait for the nigiht to come
So far, suicide at home
For I'm not the man you know
This love it's about control

OH WHAT A FEELING!!!!!
OH WHAT A FEEDING!!!!!
Know the chosen ones ARE HERE!
ALL HAIL!!!

ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE

2005-05-12T00:22:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: pissed
Now Blasting: Sonata Arctica - Full Moon

Everyone should learn to take the same shit they dish out.
If they can't... too fkn bad.
I'm sorry for you...

but then... i ending up feeling sorry for myself too...
Coz there's nothing I can do to help if you dont wanna help urself...
And if you dont wanna help urself...
i suffer...

Fwiday I'm in Wuv!

2005-04-30T00:35:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: GLAD
Now Blasting: Sonata Arctica - Wild Fire

Man I am sooo glad it's the weekends!

I got a tan today. Not that I didn't think I'm dark enuf heh... now there's a nice tan line on my arms fom my sleeves... Oh it was Sports Day... had it at CCK Stadium... Lovely place... morning sun shone dead straight at the stands... so everyone got fried early Friday morning tralalala~ lol!

I got shitloads of work to do... but it's on bloody hold coz yeah... u guessed it... my brain is fried... thanks to the sun lol... Anyhoot... all has to be done this week...

I feel weird everytime i see her around colleagues... so fake... i guess im too... intrapersonal?... i dont think anyone at work knows me at all... sometimes it bothers me... sometimes it doesnt... i donno... im PMSing... usually doesnt bug me but kinda did today... PMSing sux... sometimes...

o well hell... who cares eh?... wtvr Ayin...

Fwiday friday~

Mommy's Girl

2005-04-27T00:09:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: sick but loved

Now Blasting: Lifehouse - Only One

Didnt work today... well actually... didnt GO to work... but still graded papers... hey its still work ...

Nothing like a mom's love... i love my mom... she gave me new bedspread and stuff... how the hell did she put up with me in my teenage years i'll never know lol... I just called her at midnight... about 10 mins ago... she was asleep... but i had to say thank you and i love you when im still feeling it so much... i guess i can be mean at times... sometimes she irritates me... but only coz shes just being a mom lol... u know... the usual... naggings and stuff... but God i LOVE her... I would do anything for her if she would only tell me... but the only stuff she wants me to do for her... is for me to be a better person... thats all... how does one become so selfless???

I LOVE MY MOM! *sobs-happytears-sobs*

I love kids!

2005-04-22T23:49:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: amused and satisfied
Now Blasting: Judas Priest - Eulogy

Today I had my lesson observation with my RO. I think it went pretty well. Havent had the chance to do a post conference with her just yet. Just to see what she thinks of my lesson. Winston was more talkative than usual ugh... of all the days to misbehave... but at least he was quite entertaining lol. During the activity (making a Feelings poster), I sat on one of the tables and looked thru a magazine. Then all of a sudden Kanric popped up from under the magazine, and almost leaned on my leg! LOL! He showed this little picture of spongebob grinning and asked if he could paste the picture under the "HAPPY" category. LOL he is SO CUTE! I just grinned and nodded lol! Gotta love these kids!

Before school I talked to Eliza's mother. She shared her concerns about her daughter. Apparently, yesterday when she asked Eliza how was school, the lil girl broke down and cried. When asked what was wrong, she said that she had no friends...

Eliza is a quiet girl. She had spent 5 years of her life in China and attended kindergarten there. From what I know, the class size there is much MUCH less than the ones here. I have 43 kids in my class. She is naturally shy and don't really talk to others so I don't blame her for being lonely. Poor thing... On top of that,Natasha apparently has been telling some of the girls not to talk to her. The naughty girl lol! So I had a talk with Natasha and she cried and promised not to do that again. Ah the kids are good at heart but kids will be kids u know?

Eliza's mom then said that she is glad that I am Eliza's English teacher coz judging from the replies and comments that I write in her journal book, she said she knows that I really do care for the kids' well-being. Wow I was speechless lol! I was overwhelmed with such a great sense of satisfaction. For some reason I just felt really happy that SOMEONE notices... not that I was hoping to impress anyone. I truly love these kids. They are so bright and they come to school everyday with big grins on their faces. That is enough to make my day everyday...

I talked to Elin, who was in the same class as Eliza last year, about trying to include her in their activities so she won't feel so left-out and lonely. Elin is such a nice girl. So responsible and reliable and I know I can depend on her to get things done. And these kids are only 7 going on 8!!! Amazing... such amazing lil creatures. I love them!

Tired...

2005-04-21T01:03:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: tired
Now Blasting: Judas Priest - Angel

I am tired.
Just tired...
Of anything and everything...

Too much to carry
Too much to bear
Too much
Too much...

I want to paint my world
with colours
but everything always turn grey
brown... black...
So why do I let it?

I am just tired...
Of anything and everything
Everything...

2005-04-19T10:46:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: happy

Now Blasting: Carcass - Blackstar

Yes lol for once, that is my current mood.

Blackstar the light never shines

Twinkle twinkle black star!

Random thots.. random thots...

RO observation on Friday... I feel like I'm back in NIE doing practicum... cept that I have lost all ability to think of a "creative" lesson plan... aughhh! Should I do Math or English? What activity? I've pretty much almost finished all I'm supposed to finish by SA1... cept for corrections... ahhhh I don't wanna think! I'll worry about this later...............

2005-04-15T01:13:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: exhausted
Now Blasting: Bruce Dickenson - Soul Intruders

I just can't walk away
I just can't walk away......

2005-04-12T01:01:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: hurt
Now Blasting: Spider - Relaku Pujuk

Sometimes in life, you have to put up with things you dont wish to.
Why? For the sake of keeping peace? To avoid getting more hurt?
To each his own I guess...

Maybe i AM developing a complex... is it me me me?Why cant i do this? Why didnt i do that?
I dont know... I really dont know... Maybe I am just not like that...
Am I a pushover? To certain ppl prolly...

I wish... I wish...
So close yet so far......

Why does life have to hurt me so much? Why do i let it hurt me so much?
Rhetorical qns...

Sometimes I wish everyone would just go away... I wish I didnt know anyone... Whats the use? I feel lonely among ppl... So wats the difference? Why feel lonely with ppl around?... Heh... that is almost hilarious... so hilarious, it is sad... pathetic even...

My eyes hurt... My head hurts... I've never felt so hurt before... But then again, thats wat I say everytime I feel hurt... I'm so tired, I can't sleep... I'm shaking.... like I'm about to pass out...

Like I said...
I wish... I wish...
So close yet so far...

Stone Cold... Emotional Flatline...

2005-04-07T02:05:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: numb
Now Blasting: Carcass - Emotional Flatline

An emotional void, a cold empty shell
Embittered husk, a heart of darkness
Trace weak pulse, vascular eclipse
Numbed and sapped, emotional paralysis
Flatline, grievious bodily heart
Flatlined, sensitivity bypassed
No tears to cry
Stone cold emotional flatline
Emotional flatline
No tears to cry
With indifference touched of emotion drained
Cold bloody minded, caressing disdain
Pulsating life, only rhythmic dead beats
Terminal cardiac ridden with disease
Flatline...no tears to cry
The hard line...stone cold emotionless flatline
No time to cry
Stone cold emotional flatline
-----------------------------------------------
Should i leave or
should i stay
Would it have been better
if i'd just gone away
The darkness comforts me
Cold, quiet, black
Turn myself inside out
The clock will never turn back
Never turn back...

Misery

2005-04-05T08:26:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: miserably pissed
Now Blasting: Pantera - The Sleep

I feel miserable... fucking miserable... The one closest to me says things to others that he never does to me... how FUCKED UP is that?... what THE FUCK am I here for? Fucking bullshit, I swear... AUGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-23T02:41:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: scared
Now Blasting: NOTHING

I am so fucked. Nurse from Alexandra called and said that glucose level in my blood is pretty high. But she has to make sure so I have to go down there and take another test this Saturday. I wanted to go tmrw but they said I can't coz i just had my surgery. So now i have to wait and worry for THREE WHOLE FRIGGING DAYS!!!

I got to know the news this morning and only now started to sink in... I'm gonna dieee!!!

2005-03-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: tired
Now Blasting: Ethereal

I went in at 10.20am earlier. Had to wait for like 2hrs+ after they inserted the cervagem before the op was carried out at 1.50pm.

The minute i got up, pain jolted up and down my abdomen and back. I was like OMFG didnt they give me painkillers or smthn??? I guess they weren't sure what to give me coz i'm allergic to panadol and diclofenac(sp?)... I was already in the recovery room with other patients. For some strange reason, most of them looked pretty calm and unhurt. And there I was in bed squirming and grabbing the metal railing and trying to bear with the pain in silence. I swear if i was strong enuf to break the railing, I SO WOULD! The nurse kept saying that it's normal and to try bear with it. But i dont think she realized how much pain i was in till i started crying silent rivers and wouldnt let go of the railing lol! It was about 4+pm and it wasnt till an hr later before a doc came down and gave me a shot. Then it was all goooood lol I pretty much slipped in n out of consciousness after that.

I got 7 days MC and follow up in 2 weeks. Tummy still hurts now and i'm still all wobbly n nauseous n stuff but otherwise i'm glad its all done.

2005-03-21T08:44:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: calm
Now Blasting: Dream Theater - This Dying Soul

Off to the hospital soon...

Choices

2005-03-18T00:54:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: contemplative
Now Blasting: Fear Factory - Edgecrusher

Today, a good friend of mine, Siti R., came over with her bf. It's been a long arse time since i saw her. She hasnt changed one bit. Not one bit at all lol

Her bf is hub's friend. But she already has a fiance. So yeah, she is in a dilemma. She wants to be with her bf. But her mom wants her to marry her fiance. And her mom is sick with epilepsy and that is her last wish. I feel awful that i cant help her get out of this predicament.

After she put forth her concerns, I thought that the best for her to do was do as her mom says. Since she has doubts with BOTH of those dudes. What i dont see is why she needs to even pick one. Oh yeah, her mom wants to see her settle down before she passes. Kinda selfish imo. But thats not smthn Siti can change anyway.

I hope she does the right thing...

I wanna be spoiled...

2005-03-17T11:57:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: depressed, sick, pained, pissy, bitchy

Now Blasting: Rush - Fly By Night

Been a while...

Earlier today, I decided that I need to spoil myself... so I went and got my hair rebonded... Now its sooo bloody straight... I kinda like it... but hmm...

I moved my day surgery from 7th to 21st which is this coming Monday. Right now, my tummy hurts... hurts, hurts, hurts...

There is no forever... just today

2005-03-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: depressed
Now Blasting: Killswitch Engage - Declaration

http://www.ivf.com/endohtml.html

Here it comes...

2005-02-27T04:06:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: hurt
Now Blasting: Metallica - Nothing Else Matters

Here it comes
Here it comes
the hate, the horror
the fate, the sorrow

visions of self loathing
dance before my eyes
flashing, taunting
betraying, abusing

shadows of utter ignominy
brutally caresses my mind
piercing, ripping
hurting, intruding

How could I? Why didn't I?
Why cant I?
Put it all behind me
Oh here it comes
Here it comes again...

The Rwandan Genocide

2005-02-05T22:52:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: sombre
Now Blasting: Rwanda Hotel Soundtrack

It still amazes me. Despite knowing the capabilities of words and psychological manipulation. The extent of human stupidity ....and lack of compassion.

I must've been about 14/15 at that time. I knew about the Gulf War when I was 11/12. How could I not know of The Rwandan Genocide? Oh no US intervention...

937,000 dead in 100 days. How could that have happened?

"Finally, on May 17, 1994, the UN conceded that "acts of genocide may have been committed." By that time, the Red Cross estimated that 500,000 Rwandans had been killed. The UN agreed to send 5,500 troops to Rwanda which were to be provided by mostly African countries. The UN also requested 50 APCs from the United States. However, deployment of these forces is delayed due to arguments over their cost."

Yet again, I am truly downright disgusted. By the sheer shallowness of the human mind and behaviour. What does it take to open up their minds? Our minds? More importantly. How could it have happened? Intolerance? Ignorance? Fear of change???

This reminds me of the Ambon/Maluku Tragedy. Where the Christians and Muslims started beheading one another in front of one another's families. Shooting. Killing. Decapitating.

HOW CAN WE CALL OURSELVES HUMAN???

At times like this, I can't help but think of my children. How do I make them understand? The power they possess? To change what might have been? How?

Hotel Rwanda
http://www.mgm.com/ua/hotelrwanda/

The Rwandan Genocide
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rwandan_Genocide

Ambon-Maluku Tragedy
http://www.websitesrcg.com/ambon/documents/Advocat1.htm

Surgery

2005-02-03T01:49:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: calm
Now Blasting: Liz Phair - Extraordinary

Today, I finally made that much needed doc appt. I reached there late (as usual lol). Appt was for 2.10pm but I think i got there at like 2.35pm or smthn. Anyway since I got an appt I got to go in first bwahaha! The doc sent me for scanning and blood test and told me to bring back the report.

So I went to the Diagnosis Imaging centre. Had to wait a bit before they scanned me. There were a cpl of other ladies there. This really old gramma, one mid-aged malay lady, a chinese lady and a young indian lady with her mom and baby. I sat opposite them. It's kinda funny coz the malay gramma was being chatty and talked to the indian ladies. The younger one seem to understand a bit but her mom was totally lost and the malay gramma kept talking and talking to her LOL. I got tired of waiting so i chatted them up and got to hold the baby hehe!

Anyway, I got scanned and had my blood taken. Strangely, they took only ONE tube as compared to the previous time I was there. They took TUBES!!! Like 4 or 5, i was like OMG!!! They're gonna DRAIN ALL MY BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!! *SOB!* talk about brutal LOL!... hmmm maybe they cheated me out of a bag for blood donation or smthn geez...

Well then I got my report and went back to the specialist clinic. It was in an envelope but curiosity got the better of me and i peeked. Found out the size of my umm... private organs... and that I have a functional cyst. That totally scared me coz I really dont like the idea of having things in my lil dormitories... So the doc said that I have to go for a minor surgery, on the 7th of March and that it will only take a day. Nonetheless, I was pretty petrified lol

I am calm now... I am calm.................................

So much for having a day off...

If I were to live...

2005-01-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: depressed
Now Blasting: Gersang - Suratan Takdir

If I were to live
Would you save me
Would you heal me
Would you care for me
Like you care for yourself
Above and beyond anybody else

If I were to live
Would you live with me
Would you love me
Would you caress me
With bitter words and salty tears
And angry airs that cause me fears

If I were to live
Would you treasure me
Would you hold me
Would you cherish me

Would you?
Would you???

Web of Lies

2005-01-23T06:01:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:pissed off
Now Blasting: GNR - Think About You

It shouldnt bug me
It shouldnt bother me
It shouldnt cloud my mind
but it does

It shouldnt have happened
It shouldnt have been said
It shouldnt have been told
but it has

Why are lies
more convincing
than the truth?

Why are words
spoken by one person
is more creditable
than when it is said
by others?

Why does anyone
feel the need
to weave a web
of deception
around what is real?

Elektra

2005-01-22T16:01:00.000+08:00

Current Mood:Happy
Now Blasting: Aerosmith - Walk This Way

I just watched ELEKTRA yesterday... it's kinda like Mortal Kombat...

Will Yun Lee... *DROOLS* ()

What Metal Band Are You?

2005-01-14T02:30:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: weird
Now Blasting: Motley Crue - She Goes Down

DEATH

You are Death! You are one of the key inventors of modern day death metal. With every album you've always gotten better. You're well respected in the music industry. The metal world wept when your band creator passed away from a brain tumor. Symbolism is an important property in your music.

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

WWWWHHHHYYYYYY!!!!!

2005-01-09T22:27:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: FUCKING MISERABLE
Now Blasting: HAMMER SMASHED FACE

WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rules To Remember

2005-01-06T04:19:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: amused
Now Blasting: hmm

RULE #1 : Life is not fair; get used to it.
RULE #2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE #3 : You will NOT make $40,000 a year right out of high school.
RULE #4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.
RULE #5 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault. So don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE #6 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as dumb and boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, raising you, and listening to you talk about how cool you are.
RULE # 7 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not.
RULE #8 : Your school may give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE # 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off. And few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE #10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to work.
RULE #11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Tsunami [261205]

2005-01-04T05:47:00.000+08:00

Current Mood: morose
Now Blasting: Alice In Chains - Shame In You

"Tens of thousands have been killed... thousands more are missing and injured... in the largest earthquake to strike the globe since 1964, causing devastating tsunami waves."

i cannot even begin to describe wat im feeling over this whole thing...

i cannot even imagine the horror it has caused to everyone involved...

victims... both dead and alive... health care workers, volunteers, rescue workers... all in need of psychological treatment...

from seeing dead bodies everywhere... purple and bloated... hair tied to a tree... limbs all bent in unimaginable positions... the lingering stench of death...

and those who survived... no food, no shelter, no loved ones... no home... everything they have worked and lived for... all gone...

i'm glad singapore is in the centre of bigger islands, protecting us from the faultlines...

i'm grateful for the immediate aid provided by the European and Japanese govt... (where is the US govt tho, the self-proclaimed police of the world? One that many Americans claim we would not survive without them?)

i wish i could do more...

Please help...